130 – American Honey
Shit, this film is loooooooooooooooooooong. Eight hours or something. Serious. And three hours of that is just moths. For real. Moths.
129 – The Nice Guys
A bit too cruel for my taste.
128 – Noma: My Perfect Storm
I want to eat at this restaurant so much. The food looks amazeballs.
127 – The Legend of Tarzan
It is what it is. Eventually people will recognise that Tarzan is a massively problematic source material, that this is about as good as it can get, and just give the whole thing up.
126 – Ride Along 2
There are worse crimes than trying to capture the spirit of eighties cinema and almost getting it right.
125 – Enter the Battlefield
Heartwarming, and presumably massively biased, film about Magic the Gathering cards, by the people who make Magic the Gathering cards.
124 – Thomas and Friends: The Great Race
The first film I saw at the cinema was ET. My daughter’s first film at the cinema was this Thomas the Tank Engine vehicle. I’d say I won except I had to watch this one as well, and the three Fireman Sam safety videos at the start. I hate Fireman Sam. Well, more accurately I hate that fucking little kid who always gets in trouble. Christ, Pontypandy parish council, we have ASBOs for a fucking reason, sort it out. Jesus.
So, anyway, Thomas the Tank Engine wants to go to the big train show but he can’t because he is a bit annoying. Stuck on Sodor, he meets new train Ashima (who is about as hot as computer animated representation of a steam train in a film aimed at preschool children can get). They get off on the right foot but eventually become friends and together they win prizes at the big train show. At the end of the film Thomas bottles asking her out and you’re all like, “Shit bruv, I know she’s way out of your league but you need to at least try.”
123 – Keeping Up with the Joneses
122 – Deprogrammed
Documentary about Ted Patrick, who has spent his life kidnapping cult members and quite roughly breaking them out of their brainwashing. Sometimes he kidnaps people who it turns out aren’t actually in cults, but are just hippies, or democrats, or on holiday in San Francisco, or like candles. Turns out not everything is black and white.
121 – Barry
The second best ‘young Barack Obama film’ of 2016. Still good though, because Obama.