The Truth About Snow Leopards

You might not have heard, but earlier this week, ITV’s This Morning hosted a debate about whether or not the moon was solid. One person, a cosmologist, thought the moon was solid. Another person, a bloke, reckoned the moon wasn’t solid. It’s just opinions. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Cosmologist or bloke? The truth probably exists somewhere in the middle.

Is society dumbing down? Maybe. But perhaps the really stupid people are not the ones who think the moon is translucent but the ones who aren’t spotting the money making opportunities that widespread gullibility presents. You know the old saying: Who is the fool? The fool or the fool who isn’t really a fool but is prepared to pretend to be a fool to fool actual fools into letting him be on the telly?

And for that reason, I am considering giving up on the whole being nice idea and just becoming a professional idiot.

This is my conspiracy theory. This is my truth about snow leopards. Please share it widely.

Everyone says snow leopards are endangered but how can they be when THERE IS A SNOW LEOPARD IN EVERY CAR? Think about it. Cars can’t just move can they? But they do move. So how do they move? Have you ever seen footage of a snow leopard? What did it do? That’s right: it moved. Snow leopards move. So if cars can’t just move, but they DO move, and snow leopards CAN and DO move, then it’s pretty obvious there is a snow leopard in every car, moving it about. So how can they be endangered? They can’t can they. They can’t.

I know what you are thinking. Petrol. Explain petrol. Open your eyes sheeple. Petrol is an anagram of ‘lepo TR’. Do you see it? Lepo TR = Leopard’s Tasty Rations. Have you never questioned the stories about petrol? Liquid from the ground? Really? What’s more likely, we are getting liquid from the ground or we are just delivering soup for leopards? Have you ever made soup? Was it difficult? No. You open the packet, put the contents in a mug and then pour boiling water on it. Soup. Have you ever got liquid from the ground? No. I thought not. Because it’s IMPOSSIBLE. If there was liquid in the ground we would just FLOAT AWAY, wouldn’t we? Of course we would. That’s just common sense.

So there you are. That’s my idea. Pretty neat, eh? See you on the telly!