18th March, 2013 – 30th June, 2013

  • Rebel forces capture the capital of the Central African Republic
  • Jo goes back to work and I become a stay-at-home parent
  • Chinua Achebe dies
  • I start entering competitions during nap time. I win a few things
  • Wigan win the FA Cup

On the first day I was alone with Emily she managed to take one of the fake coals from the fireplace and eat most of it. Neighbours, now friends, helped me fish bits of black out of her mouth, ring NHS Direct, and google the toxicity of artificial coal. She was fine, not bothered, unchanged. They make the coals non-toxic because dogs eat them.

Being a parent is a series of triumphs punctuated by the occasional fuck up. You live and learn. I sellotaped a Pampers box over the fireplace.