12th December, 2016 – 26th March, 2017

There are not many lessons that can be taught about how to be a parent beyond the scientific and the general. Children need food, water, warmth, oxygen, attention. You know that. Almost everything else you will have to learn for yourself, and will be dependent on the whims of your child, your life, where you live, etc. I have very little to pass on to prospective parents beyond, ‘don’t panic’ and ‘things generally work out for the best’. Do your best and you’ll be ok. If you live anywhere except a city centre, I would suggest avoiding three wheeled pushchairs, because they pitch over way too easily on rough ground. But that is just my experience. It is not a universal rule.

HOWEVER…

I do have one piece of advice for all parents and it stems from something that happened to me during the months covered by this post. It is good advice. Truly important advice. So listen up.

IF YOU ARE AT A BOWLING ALLEY, AND YOUR CHILD WANTS A GO ON ONE OF THOSE WIN-A-PRIZE-WITH-THE-CRANE GAMES, DO NOT WIN ON YOUR FIRST ATTEMPT. YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO REMOVE THE IDEA THAT PICKING UP SOFT TOYS WITH A CRANE IS EASY FROM YOUR CHILD’S BRAIN AND IT WILL EVENTUALLY BANKRUPT YOU.

You have been warned.