22. Andy’s Wild Adventures / Andy’s Dinosaur Adventures / Andy’s Safari Adventures / Andy’s Prehistoric Adventures

Andy has a lot of adventures. Dare I say, too many adventures?

I like Andy. I do. But I do not like his adventures, not any more. (For those of you not familiar with his adventures, they are, in a nutshell, footage of Andy acting the goat green-screened onto footage from old David Attenborough documentaries or Walking With Dinosaurs or whatever). Nobody has ever fully explained how his tomfoolery improves on the original. Just show the documentaries. Sure, you might want to edit out the odd scene of lions humping or a killer whale messing up a penguin, but Attenborough is a master communicator, let the man speak.

I used to greet every new nature programme on tv with joy but now all I see is something else for Andy to besmirch with his horseplay. Enough, Andy. Enough.

Because, and this is easy to forget, Andy is capable of so much more. This is the man that gave us the What’s On Your Plate? song, which is a stone cold classic second only to Goodnight Sun, Hello Moon in the Cbeebies catalogue. It may even be better. It’s certainly a pretty close thing.

This is tough love, Andy. You may be the Rocky from the start of Rocky IV of Cbeebies presenters right now, living large, taking the easy adventures, but you could be the Rocky from the end of Rocky IV again. You need a vehicle worthy of your talents. Find the new What’s On Your Plate? song. Let it be the Ivan Drago to your Rocky from the middle of Rocky IV. Meet it head on. Don’t flinch. Be a champion again while also winning over the hearts and minds of your doubters.

OK, that Rocky IV metaphor got a tad confused there. Sorry about that. But, Andy, come on. It’s time to find a new format. Be the best Andy you can be.