15. The Numtums

There are a few Cbeebies shows that seem to have one eye on the children watching and one on the, potentially lucrative, student market. Put in a reference to disco here, a psychedelic scene there, and before you know it you have your retirement sorted, slinging out ironic t-shirts to teenagers. And while you can forgive it in something like Go Jetters (because it is well made enough to get away with it, and it introduces beautiful places and interesting cultures to children in a fun and exciting way) when it comes to The Numtums, I’m sorry, that shit won’t wash.

God, The Numtums is wacky. They are all Australian for no reason. It isn’t set in Australia. There is a koala bent on world domination called Fluffy McTuffy. There is a ‘rock ‘n’ roll echidna. In some episodes it feels as if no plot point, no line of dialogue, exists for any reason beyond being something for freshers to be knowing about. “Hey, do you remember The Numtums? What was that all about?” “I know, right? What drugs were they taking when they made that?”

Well, I’ll tell you, shall I? It was the drug of unfettered capitalism. It was the drug of market saturation. The side effects are headaches, nausea, and a shitty television programme.