14. Are We Ready to Go?

This is one of those, “If you know, you know,” ones. For those of us with children aged two to seven, the line, “I… don’t… think so,” fills us with a dread second only to that experienced before root canal surgery.

Are We Ready to Go? is only a song, but Cbeebies play it so often that it may as well be a three hundred part series. The song is about a mum and her child and their discussion about whether or not they are, indeed, ready to go. Are they ready to go? No, they are not. They have forgotten their keys, and a snack, and a drink, and so on, and on and on it goes, thing after forgotten thing, “are we ready to go oh-oh are we ready to go oh are we ready to go oh-oh are we ready to go I… don’t… think so.” They never leave the house. They just remember more things.

The song is eight hours long and infuriatingly catchy. I have ruined many people’s day just by mentioning it. It will swirl through their brains for hours. Mine too. Nobody wins here.

It is the closest television has ever come to broadcasting pure evil.