The Beverly Hills Cop Films. Ranked!

It’s time to settle the age old argument: what is the best Beverly Hills Cop film? How long has this debate raged on? How many families torn apart? We need an answer. And while we are at it, what is the second best Beverly Hills Cop film? Also, what is the third best Beverly Hills Cop film?

So… I did some maths and that and worked it out. This is FOREVER MORE the ABSOLUTE DEFINITIVE list of what is the best, second best, and third best Beverly Hills Cop films. DO NOT try to debate me on this. THIS IS JUST HOW IT IS NOW. Don’t @ me. I’m not expressing an opinion here, I am establishing facts.

JESUS. I CAN SEE YOU THINKING ABOUT @ING ME. CUT IT OUT. NO. NO. NO. DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. DON’T MAKE ME PUNCH YOU THROUGH THE INTERNET OR SOMETHING. BECAUSE I WILL. I AM NOT A VIOLENT MAN BUT SO HELP ME IF YOU TRY TO CLAIM THE BEVERLY HILLS COPS FILMS SHOULD BE RANKED IN A DFFERENT ORDER I WILL PUNCH INTO MY COMPUTER AND MAKE THE PUNCH COME OUT OF YOUR COMPUTER UNTIL IT BOPS YOU RIGHT ON YOUR NOSE, YOU ARGUMENTATIVE SO AND SO BASTARD.

Don’t forget to leave a comment and tell me what you think of the list.

Anyway. Starting with the best…

  1. Beverly Hills Cop

    Not only is Beverly Hills Cop the best Beverly Hills Cop movie it is one of the greatest films ever made. (Yeah, I know, you think Citizen Kane does more camera angles or something, but it doesn’t have a plot or a banana-in-the-tailpipe or a ‘Is this the man who wrecked the buffet…?’ bit, so whatever dude, whatever.)

    It is one of the big, brash, crowd-pleasing classics of the 1980s (Die Hard, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Dirty Dancing, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?) that work as well on the fiftieth viewing as on the first. (How many times have you watched Citizen Kane, film dude? Once? Maybe two times?)

    Eddie Murphy is perfect in a part that seems written for him but was actually originally intended as a role for Mickey Rourke, and then Sylvester Stallone, in what was going to be a straight action film. The film works so well at least partly because that solid foundation of an action film sits underneath Murphy’s brilliant portrayal of Foley. Foley is funny, and he acts the fool sometimes, but he uses his sense of humour to disarm or disorient people in order to forward his investigation. Murphy is funny, but he isn’t a clown. The humour earns its place in the narrative.

    The fish-out-of-water plot device works brilliantly because the majority of the audience exist between the two worlds portrayed. Our everyday lives don’t feature high end fashion boutiques or gangs stealing lorries full of cigarettes. We root for Foley but we have sympathy for Taggart and Rosewood too, so when their friendship develops it feels genuine and deserved.

    You could probably make a case that the successful balance of comedy and action in Beverly Hills Cop paved the way for Die Hard and eventually the writing style adopted in the MCU. I won’t though, because it would, like, take time and effort to do so. It’s a classic though, and definitely the best of the trilogy.

  2. Beverly Hills Cop II

    Pretty good, but not as good as the first one. Maybe a bit too dark.

  3. Beverly Hills Cop III

    Shit.

So there you have it. Do you agree? Disagree? Let me know in the comments and I’ll tell you why you ARE COMPLETELY WRONG. Oh, do you think the second one is the best? I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. I’m not just guessing which one is the best. I put the work in. I did the maths, dickhead, so PIPE FUCKING DOWN YEAH?