An introduction to The Advent Uncalendar, or something…

Advent calendars, huh? In my day you didn’t even get a door. You just had to stare at a number and imagine what it would be like if you could see something Christmassy. SEVENTEEN. A sled? NINE. Maybe a teddy bear with a big bow tied round it’s neck? TWELVE. I dunno. Some wellies but with snow on them?

Now you get advent calendars with all sorts of interesting things in them – individually wrapped robots, artisan proseccos, small breeds of dog, etc – proper fancy like. And, as I am a zombie-eyed acolyte of late-stage capitalism, I thought, you know what, maybe I should get in on the act this year. I decided I would do my bit for rampant consumerism. I got the bus to B&M Bargains to see what they were selling off cheap.

Not a lot, it turns out. The choices were, small candles, bad chocolate or plastic tat. Nothing that really called to me. Nothing that I could, you know, yearn for. Willing to spend money on something that would bring me twenty-four small moments of fleeting joy (and then, later, when the credit card bill came, one big epiphany of disappointment) I looked online as well. I still couldn’t find anything.

But, and this was the nub of the problem, I ACTUALLY DO QUITE LOVE ADVENT CALENDARS THANK YOU.

I briefly considered making myself one but I couldn’t quite convince myself it wouldn’t just be an exercise in wrapping and then unwrapping things that I bought for myself. My memory is bad but it isn’t that bad. Whither the joy etc if there’s no surprise?

And what would I put in an advent calendar anyway? What do I need? Nothing. Not really.

An idea occurred to me. A truly great idea. What about, instead of receiving things, I gave things away? (I don’t mean like buying turkeys and handing them to Tiny Tims or anything like that. I’m totally past spending money on advent calendars now, for myself or anyone else. I’m so over spending money on advent calendars that it is not even worth mentioning. Forget me spending money on advent calendars. Move on. It’s not going to happen.) Specifically, I thought, “What if I divided the ideas in Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying into twenty four easily digestible nuggets of wisdom and then did one of those things each day during the run-up to Christmas?”

So that is what I am doing. Except for that bit in the book where she shows you how to fold your socks, because I’ve already started doing that, and it proper changes your life, folding your socks that way. For realz, I’m not even kidding. People who roll their socks into balls are chumps. Believe.

Where was I? Oh yeah. My giving things away advent calendar idea. It won’t cost me anything. I will get rid of a load of crap. And come Christmas day, I won’t even have a non-recyclable plastic tray to feel guilty about shoving in the bin. Perfect. Advent Calendar: sorted.

And, for the next twenty four days, I’ll post you a quick update in the evening of how I am getting on with my big sort/clear out. Cool, eh?


OK. Fine. I bought one with chocolates in too. It is Christmas.