Are magazines books? No. No they aren’t. Not in real IRL. However, Marie Kondo counts them as such and who am I to argue? Or rather, who am I to be bothered enough to argue? Not me, that’s for sure.
Am I even me? Probably.
Am I a magazine? No. I don’t think I am.
What am I? I don’t know.
Am I standing in front of a mirror to find out? On reflection, yes.
“On reflection!” That’s a good one that is. “On reflection.” Oh my. I am good. “On reflection.”
Anyway, I did have a back log of magazines, newspapers, journals, periodicals, almanacs, articles ripped out of things, leaflets, booklets, flyers, and other not-quite-books that needed sorting.
So I sorted them. Tidying up is well easy.
OK, I was lying about the almanacs and periodicals. I don’t even know what almanacs are. I just wanted to look fancy. I apologise for my subterfuge.
Do you like magazines? I do. They aren’t as fashionable as they once were, not being on the internet and everything, but a physical magazine, like a physical book, can be a beautiful and reassuring thing. I get two films ones and a birds one, and then I get other birds ones from being a member of a few birdy bird charities. I sometimes buy a food magazine. I quite like the Sainsbury’s one but I only get it when it’s on special offer.
I like newspapers too, and real ones far more than their online versions. You don’t find things in the same way on the internet version, do you? I like flicking through a newspaper and stopping at the interesting bits. Online, you just get pushed towards the clickbait. “Why all films released this year were actually about dogs, probably” or “My boyfriend ate all my bras. Is that ok?” That sort of thing. I don’t like it. I don’t like it all.
(And no, it’s not ok. Of course it isn’t ok. Stop eating people’s bras, boyfriends.)
I have drifted off point somewhat. All you really need to know is I sorted the magazines.
Actually, that isn’t all you need to know. The other thing you need to know is that I have added a copy of Granta to the prize fund. The issue I have added is called The Politics of Feeling which, I think we all can agree, doesn’t sound in the least bit pretentious.