Birds from your window. Great Tit.

Second only to ‘what? the feathered variety?’ in the small catalogue of tired jokes about birds and bird watching, the great tit provides huge potential for hilarious top bantz between consenting top top Lads. ‘Do you like…’ ‘Have you ever seen…’ Funny stuff. Funny funny stuff.

People get them mixed up with blue tits but, sorry pal, they look nothing like each other. If you can tell the difference between a Corsa and a Golf you can tell the difference between a blue tit and a great tit. Get over yourself. Ignorance isn’t as charming as you think it is.

I will do you a five point guide to great tits though because, 1) they do bear a passing resemblance to coal tits in a certain light and, 2) I’m just a really really nice guy.

Great Tit (Parus major)

  • What colour is the top of the head? Blue? That’s a blue tit. It’s not rocket science.
  • Has it got a big black stripe down it’s tum? Yep? That’s a great tit. Nice one.
  • The top of the head is black but you can’t see the stripe because the bird is facing a bird feeder? No problem. I got you, friend. Does it have a white patch on the back of it’s head?
  • Yes. That’s a coal tit.
  • No. That’s a great tit.

The other way to tell the difference between a great tit and a coal tit is the latter looks like it was designed using a much more expensive colour palette. Think of coal tits as the Atelier Ellis to great tit’s Johnstone’s.

Not that there is anything wrong with Johnstone’s paint. I mean, pound-per-pot it’s the better buy. It’s just a helpful visual image. Let’s not have a class war about it.