Birds from your window. Carrion Crow.

Perhaps out of politeness, most people refer to carrion crows as crows. It seems a little discourteous, I guess, to bring up the whole ‘messing around on corpses’ thing in mixed company. It’s not like dead bodies are they only things they eat anyway. They’re pretty unfussy. In fact, if you were to host a barbecue and only announce that it was vegan at the last minute, carrion crows would probably the last people* to start crying about how they weren’t going to eat ‘rabbit food with a bunch of snowflakes’ and that it was ‘political correctness gone woke’ to expect them to do so on a Saturday, of all days, considering they had already given up the Burnley game and 2-4-1 mixed grills at The Beach, and this isn’t the first time your Mary’s done this, is it Sandra?

*I know, technically crows aren’t people, but the point I’m making is that they aren’t arseholes either, and that point still stands. Try a jackfruit burger and shut your mouth, Uncle Andy. It’s not going to fucking kill you is it?

Carrion Crow (Corvus corone)

  • Think of carrion crows as the sort of ‘starter kit’ of crows. You aren’t looking for an identifying feature but a lack of one.
  • Red beak = chough, white around base of bill = rook, white body = hooded crow, obviously a magpie = magpie, pink = jay, smaller and dapper with silver bits and a blue eye = jackdaw, fucking massive = raven.
  • None of these things = carrion crow.
  • No, that’s not a raven. It’s a carrion crow. Ravens are bigger.
  • I know it’s really big. I know. But ravens aren’t really big. Ravens are fucking massive. You are looking at a crow.

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